When is enough, enough?
I am having a hard time deciding the answer to this question.
My dad and I have never had a very good relationship. He thinks I don't remember when I was little but I do. He was hardly ever around and was never there for me emotionally. How he treated my mom wasn't right and then my freshmen year of high school he admitted to having multiple affairs and him and my mom finally divorced.
There are time when I feel like our relationship will finally start getting better but he never will really know me and its like he doesn't want to. He pretty much disowned me once a long time ago. I think my junior year of high school. He wouldn't talk to me or see me, it wasn't until my junior prom that he finally showed up to take pictures with me.
Well last weekend we got into a pretty bad fight because my sister and I had been fighting. He doesn't seem to understand that me and her fight but that we get over it pretty quick.
Anyways he yelled at me and her, I don't even think yelling covers what he did. I let it slip that I had, had an abortion and he didn't say anything about it and still hasn't and it is a two weeks later. Well then he pretty much told me that he didn't care if I was in his life at all and my mom was about to put me up in a hotel room she had booked it and everything because the roads were bad and I couldn't drive back to school. After my sister begged him to call me he finally did, so I went back to his house and stayed til early the next morning.
He hasn't hardly talked to me since then unless I called. Well today is his birthday, I called once this morning and sent him a text message and I called again this evening and he hasn't answered or responded and I know that he is home and not busy because my younger sister is there. He does this to my brother where he wont answer and then he will say that he didn't call. I just don't know when to say enough is enough.
He wont talk to me about my abortion, which just makes me think that much more that he doesn't really care about getting to know who I really am or that he wants to be there for me any more now then he did when I was younger.
He won't answer his phone, which I'm not going to spend all night calling him when apparently I am not important enough to talk to. I've heard my whole life from him that I look like my mom and I remind him of my mom and he hates my mom, so it always makes me think that, that is part of the reason why he hates me. But if that is why then that is his choice. I love my mom, she is beautiful and I wouldn't want to be like anyone else.
I know that this doesn't really have much to do with my abortion but it has been bothering me tonight and this always helps me to get over stuff. At least I have my brother who has been in some what of the same situation that I have been, so I can talk to him. I cried tonight and my mom and her husband were there for me.
I have spent 21 years trying to have a relationship with him and I just am at the point that I don't want to be the only one trying anymore. I can't keep going through the emotional turmoil. I love him and he is my dad but if he doesn't want to be in my life then that is his choice and he is missing out. It is just really hard to finally be letting that strand go after trying so hard. I do love him but when is enough, enough?
