So this blog entry is really not going to be in the order that I was going in. I just recently got back to school and the day that I was leaving for school I found out some interesting news about my ex-boyfriend, the would have been baby daddy, that has helped really put me at peace I think. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders even though I was starting to heal I think that the news I got really helped. So sorry about the randomness.
There is this facebook group on facebook for around the town that I used to live where they post pictures and stuff of the criminals and what they have done and their court date and such. I am not from New York but imagine if I was it would be called something along the lines of , North New York Mug Shots. That is just pretend though, I don't know if they really have that for New York but they do have something like that for near where I used to live.
I have a younger sister and she was trolling the group page for some reason and came across my ex-boyfriend, "Steves", picture (remember all names are fake for privacy reasons). As I was getting ready to leave she brought up that she had seen "Steve" on there and that he had been arrested for domestic abuse/aggravated assault. Of course I had to get on and look and it doesn't say who he beat but the last comment caught my eye because it said something about his wife. Well when him and I broke up he started dating this other girl almost instantly and she became pregnant. Well he then married her and about 3 months later she wanted a divorce, I don't know if that ever went through but I know that he wasn't living with her and his daughter. Part of me wonders if they got in a fight over their daughter when she was dropping him off or her picking him up and if he beat her.
I digress.
Hearing this for some reason really made me realize that I could have done what people will always think I should have done and that is to have just gone to court and fought for full custody. But if he did beat his child's mother, that could have been me and my daughter or son. I know now that I really did make the best decision. I am going to college in a major that once I graduate I want to do some form of pregnancy counselling so that they know their options and know them well. I am going out there and telling my story to classrooms and such so that women know they are not alone, because that is something I struggled with for almost a year. I know now that he was capable of hurting me or my child and that my child should not have been put at that risk, nor I for that reason. I am happy and am going to college to better my life so that at some point when I do have kids they will be proud of me. I will never forget that I was once pregnant. I will always be blessed that I was able to have a medical abortion so it was like a miscarriage and I will always know that I have a little angel watching over me, bless his/her little heart and that they will forever be a part of who I am.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Forever a Statistic, Forever a Survivor.
So it is 2 in the morning here and I just got done reading a book that I had just bought today called Easy by Tammara Webber.
I am going to write another blog entry that has nothing to do with my abortion, sorry guys.
So after my abortion I dated "Paul" and he seemed like such a nice guy at first. We were together in total for just over a year. We fell for each other almost instantly and then from that minute on we couldn't be apart from each other. Well over the summer I moved in with him and his dad in minnesota so I was compeletely away from my family, that was hard. Well by this time things were rough, he'd leave bruises and marks and stuff.
Well the worst thing happened around the Fourth of July. We were sleeping in a tent in the front yard of his brothers house that way we could go to all of the festivities, well I was supposed to be at work by 7 the morning of the 4th which meant that I had to get up really early because I had a fourty-five minute commute. Well he was late coming home from his friends house, which he had been at because he was throwing a party. When he got to the tent he was drunk and through out our whole relationship he had wanted to try anal sex with me and I just wouldn't. Well I was having a hard time sleeping because of the noises so when he got home i rolled over to cuddle with him and the next thing I knew he was trying to get in my pants. He rapped me that night, anally. The next morning and even that night before he fell asleep he felt horrible. The next day I didn't go to work and he kept apologizing because I was in a lot of pain. It took me a few weeks to finally leave him but that was what made me realize that I needed to. I did finally leave. My major in college is child, adult, family services and this year I learned that it is not unnatural for a woman to take 5 to 7 attempts to leave an abusive spouse before they finally get out for good. I never told anybody about it, not even my family and I felt like nobody would believe me if I went to the cops. He now lives in a different state than me and is with a girlfriend that he has been with for over a year. It took me a while to heal but I have for the most part. I hate if anyone acts like they are going to smack my ass or grab it but that is about it.
The reason I am writing about this is because of the book I read. It was about a college girl, whose ex-boyfriends friend tried to rape her after leaving a party and how a guy saved her. For the most part the things that had to do with the rape and the after effects were pretty accurate. It is a cute love story kind of but it was still good. Those kinds of things make me a little anxious but throughout the book it talks about how she deals with it and she even goes to a self defense class. At the end of the book it also has numbers to call if you know someone or are someone that needs to talk to someone and even discussion questions. In another class this year we learned about bibliotherapy and I think if I had been someone who had done bibliotherapy this book would have helped me realize the different things I could do to get over it and to help protect myself from it happening again. I have been using bilbiotherapy techniques to help heal with the whole abortion thing but its amazing that until reading a book, that I had just picked up at a book store, not knowing what it was about would help me.
My ending note is.....
Men don't be the person girls are afraid of. To the good men, stand up, if you see a girl being abused or if you know a friend can get aggressive when drunk or sober. If it was your mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend, ect. would you want them to go through it? I think the answer to that is no.
My ending not to women...
Don't stay a victim. I did for a while but I realized that yes I am a statistic and I did nothing to have stopped it but I can help girls now. That is why I am in the major that I am in. I can talk to girls and make them realize that they are not alone. Mine might not be as bad as some but it is nice to know that you are not alone. There are things you can do to protect yourself. Take a self defense course, carry pepper spray, be aware of your surrounds, walk in pairs at night, ect.
Well that is it for me tonight.
Night all!
I am going to write another blog entry that has nothing to do with my abortion, sorry guys.
So after my abortion I dated "Paul" and he seemed like such a nice guy at first. We were together in total for just over a year. We fell for each other almost instantly and then from that minute on we couldn't be apart from each other. Well over the summer I moved in with him and his dad in minnesota so I was compeletely away from my family, that was hard. Well by this time things were rough, he'd leave bruises and marks and stuff.
Well the worst thing happened around the Fourth of July. We were sleeping in a tent in the front yard of his brothers house that way we could go to all of the festivities, well I was supposed to be at work by 7 the morning of the 4th which meant that I had to get up really early because I had a fourty-five minute commute. Well he was late coming home from his friends house, which he had been at because he was throwing a party. When he got to the tent he was drunk and through out our whole relationship he had wanted to try anal sex with me and I just wouldn't. Well I was having a hard time sleeping because of the noises so when he got home i rolled over to cuddle with him and the next thing I knew he was trying to get in my pants. He rapped me that night, anally. The next morning and even that night before he fell asleep he felt horrible. The next day I didn't go to work and he kept apologizing because I was in a lot of pain. It took me a few weeks to finally leave him but that was what made me realize that I needed to. I did finally leave. My major in college is child, adult, family services and this year I learned that it is not unnatural for a woman to take 5 to 7 attempts to leave an abusive spouse before they finally get out for good. I never told anybody about it, not even my family and I felt like nobody would believe me if I went to the cops. He now lives in a different state than me and is with a girlfriend that he has been with for over a year. It took me a while to heal but I have for the most part. I hate if anyone acts like they are going to smack my ass or grab it but that is about it.
The reason I am writing about this is because of the book I read. It was about a college girl, whose ex-boyfriends friend tried to rape her after leaving a party and how a guy saved her. For the most part the things that had to do with the rape and the after effects were pretty accurate. It is a cute love story kind of but it was still good. Those kinds of things make me a little anxious but throughout the book it talks about how she deals with it and she even goes to a self defense class. At the end of the book it also has numbers to call if you know someone or are someone that needs to talk to someone and even discussion questions. In another class this year we learned about bibliotherapy and I think if I had been someone who had done bibliotherapy this book would have helped me realize the different things I could do to get over it and to help protect myself from it happening again. I have been using bilbiotherapy techniques to help heal with the whole abortion thing but its amazing that until reading a book, that I had just picked up at a book store, not knowing what it was about would help me.
My ending note is.....
Men don't be the person girls are afraid of. To the good men, stand up, if you see a girl being abused or if you know a friend can get aggressive when drunk or sober. If it was your mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend, ect. would you want them to go through it? I think the answer to that is no.
My ending not to women...
Don't stay a victim. I did for a while but I realized that yes I am a statistic and I did nothing to have stopped it but I can help girls now. That is why I am in the major that I am in. I can talk to girls and make them realize that they are not alone. Mine might not be as bad as some but it is nice to know that you are not alone. There are things you can do to protect yourself. Take a self defense course, carry pepper spray, be aware of your surrounds, walk in pairs at night, ect.
Well that is it for me tonight.
Night all!
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